Character Angst

CHARACTERS:
Tony
TAGPO: Sa laptop
TONY
Sa gabing ito, isa sa mga pangarap niyo ay matutupad. Sa gabing ito, isa sa inyo ay magiging karakter. Ngayon, dalawang minuto na lamang bago mag-alas-dose, handa na ba kayo? Kapag tinawag ko ang inyong pangalan, handang magpakilala at magbigay ng huling hirit para sa gwapong-gwapong hurado niyo. Malinaw?
MGA BABAE
Yes, Tony!
TONY
Martina Marquez, galing Naga City, Camarines Sur!
MARTINA
Hello, I’m Martina, dugong Bicolana, dugong Magayun! Just like our delectable dishes, I sizzle when I’m hot, hot, hot.
TONY
Yikes! Mainit-init si Martina! Now, Miss Josefina Harurot from Binan, Laguna.
JOSEFINA
Hi all. Ako si Josefina, galing from Binan. Kapag ako nananalo, bibigyan kita ng maraming-maraming pera. Sold out na ang play mo.
TONY
Nice. Next, Cecilia Flores from Bila-an, Mindanao!
CECILIA
Ako Cecilia. Ako dalagang Pilipina. Sa akin makuha mo marami marami kaligayahan. Ako relatable, pang-masa.
TONY
Thank you, Cecilia. And finally, Lily Portia from Quezon City.
LILY
Hi! I’m Lily from University of the Philippines, Diliman. I’m smart and beautiful. Pang-intelektwal ang market ko. 
TONY
Thanks, Lily. Ngayon ang talent portion. Rampa!
Rarampa ang mga babae.
TONY (cont’d)
Kanta!
Kakanta ang mga babae. Pataasan ng hirit sa ZOMBIE ng CRANBERRIES at 21 GUNS ng GREENDAY.
TONY (cont’d)
Sayaw!
Parang choreographed dance routine ng SYTYCD ang sayaw ng apat na babae.
TONY (cont’d)
Thank you girls. Excuse me.
Tatalikod si Tony.
MARTINA
You know none of you stand the chance of winning.
JOSEFINA
Says the slut of Bicol.
MARTINA
At least I didn’t buy my way into this competition.
CECILIA
You should all quit while you can. My agent made me a character from Mindanao. I’m a dalagang Pilipina. That’s in right now.
JOSEFINA
Walang dalagang Pilipina na kasing pangit mo.
LILY
All this is so immature.
(reads a book)
MARTINA
Feeling niya ang tali-talino niya, eh ‘di naman siya nag-aaral sa UP. Tambay lang ‘yan sa Sarah’s.
LILY
Excuse me. Education is everywhere. I’m not some dumb probinsyana.
MARTINA, CECILIA
Excuse me!
CECILIA
Wait lang. Hoy, Josefina, ba’t di ka nagreact? You’re from Laguna. That’s still a probinsya, no?
JOSEFINA
I don’t know what you mean. I live in a city. You’re just insecure ‘cause you’re poor.
CECILIA
I have values. And I’m rich where it counts.
LILY
Excuses ng mga greppa. 
MARTINA
Ikaw naman, feeling mo dabest ka, eh wala ka namang pera, nagpapalibre ka lang sa mga boylet mo sa Sarah’s.
LILY
How dare you, you probinsyana freak!
MARTINA
Yes, I’m from Bicol, I’m proud of my roots. We boast the beautiful Mount Mayon, Wakeboarding and Political Dynasties!
CECILIA
Excuse me, we have political dynasties too, you know.
JOSEFINA
Tama. Kami rin ah.
LILY
Feeling niyo sa probinsya lang meron niyan? Meron din kami dito ng political dynasties ah.
CECILIA
Maybe we’re not as dissimilar as we think we are.
MARTINA
Oo nga. Magkakatunog pa tayo magsalita. Parang iisang tao lang nagpapasalita sa atin.
LILY
Actually.
JOSEFINA
Sandali lang. TONY!
TONY
(babalik)
Yes?
CECILIA
Bakit, magkakatunog kami magsalita?
JOSEFINA
Yes, didn’t you want us to be different characters - 
MARTINA
With different motivations -
LILY
Different memories -
CECILIA
Different actions?
TONY
Aba, aba, eh sino nagsabi niyan?
CECILIA
Don’t I deserve to be a character?
(Iiyak)
Gusto ko maging buong karakter!
JOSEFINA
Look o, you made the poor girl cry.
MARTINA
Poor girl. Rich girl. Bicolana girl. Tambay sa Sarah’s girl. ‘Yun lang ginawa mong pagkakaiba sa amin, ah.
TONY
Anong problema niyo doon?
LILY
We deserve the right to grow!
TONY
Pero hindi ba kasali naman kayo dito sa kompetisyon na ito? Ika nga ni Shakespeare, ‘all the world’s a stage...”
MGA BABAE
“And all men simply actors.” Yes, we know!
TONY
Alam niyo pala, eh!
JOSEFINA
Anong ibig mong sabihin?
TONY
What I mean to say is ‘wag na kayong magreklamo. May ginagampanan kayong papel sa buhay.
CECILIA
Ang sama mo!
TONY
At ang pinaka-malapit sa depinisyon ko ng katotohanan ay mananalo!
MARTINA
Sa paligsahan ng buhay, walang panalo o talo.
TONY
Corny ka magsalita. At dahil diyan, you’re out.
Tinanggal si Martina sa list of characters.
TONY (cont’d)
Anyone else have a problem?
LILY
You’re a disgusting excuse for an animal!
Binura si Lily sa list of characters.
TONY
Josefina?
JOSEFINA
I’m taking my money to a better playwright! I don’t care if you don’t want to develop me. I deserve to be developed by someone who cares for me, someone who cares about who I was, am and could ever be. Ayokong rumampa lang pag pinarampa! Ayokong kumanta pag pinakanta! Ayokong sumayaw pag pinasayaw! Gusto kong rumampa or kumanta o sumayaw dahil logical sa karakter ko! I am a woman! I am a character! PUTANG INA MO. Give me something. Masyado kang manipis. Gago ka -
Binura si Josefina.
TONY
Masyado siyang masalit. May page limit ako. Cecilia?
CECILIA
Okay I’ll do whatever you say.
TONY
Boring ka. Goodbye.
Binura si Cecilia.
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