The Lovers

A man and a woman on opposite sides of the stage. They are NOT talking to each other.

MAN
…And then I said, fuck this shit!

WOMAN
Such an jerk, he stormed out on me!

MAN
She stood there nagging at the top of her lungs.

WOMAN
I took a small breathe and calmly asked him to stay. That’s alright, right?

MAN
I was so tired and I really didn’t want to get into this –

WOMAN
He was so dismissive! I was standing there asking him to stay.

MAN
Sometimes, a man just needs some space, see?

WOMAN
Get it? It’s his fault and I’m the one pleading? Jesus.

MAN
One more round, barkeep.

WOMAN
He’s probably at a strip joint right now.

MAN
I wanted to go to Hoochie Legs, to be honest, but I’m here.

WOMAN
Getting wasted out of his mind

MAN
Getting wasted out of my mind

WOMAN
You understand, right?

MAN
She’s probably talking shit about me with Laura.

WOMAN
I’m sure he’s a good guy, Laura. He is.

MAN
So I left the toilet seat up! Big deal!

WOMAN
Please don’t think I’m over-rationalizing or over-justifying or over-thinking this. I’m not! I swear.

MAN
Can’t she understand I need it up as much as she needs it down?

WOMAN
I’ve talked to him about this a hundred times. Why don’t men listen to us?

MAN
Sure, she’ll say she’s told me a thousand times, but come on, I’m a guy for Chrissake. That kind of thing doesn’t matter to me.

WOMAN
Then I become the bitchy wife. This was just like last week.

MAN
You know last week, I wanted to go with my friends to a Bachelor’s party. But, she? No, she didn’t!

WOMAN
A Bachelor’s party. When we were scheduled to visit my parents. It’s their anniversary.

MAN
Her parents are old. One hand, old people. Another, booze, strippers, friends. Duh!

WOMAN
And I told him, Fine, you wanna go to the Bachelor’s party, go!

MAN
Then she started playing this mind game where she tells you to do something and you know if you do you’re in trouble.

WOMAN
And I was being sincere about it. I mean, I don’t want to be the bitch here who tells her husband not to do something.

MAN
I mean, if you don’t want me to go, then tell me not to go.

WOMAN
If I told him not to go, he’d sulk. If I told him to go, he’d sulk.

MAN
You know, her friend, Laura’s husband? He’s a pretty cool guy. If by cool you mean boring as shit.

WOMAN
Which reminds me, have you and John went to this lovely little grocery store by the corner? The vegetables are arranged by the color.

MAN
Why can’t I be married and still be fun?

WOMAN
I know it’s a little crazy. You don’t really arrange vegetables by color – but isn’t that just fun?

MAN
Like this. Surely when I get home later, I’ll get shit for going out to drink.

WOMAN
I just wish he’d come home, Laura.

MAN
Maybe, maybe one last drink, barkeep.

WOMAN
I hope he’s okay. I hope he won’t drive when drunk.

MAN
By the way, my address is on my wallet. If I get drunk, please hail me a cab.

WOMAN
I want to go find him.

MAN
Am I bad husband?

WOMAN
Am I bad wife?

MAN
I love her. I really do –

WOMAN
– It’s just sometimes –

MAN
– Shit gets crazy –

WOMAN
– Perhaps I love too much –

MAN
– I don’t think I measure up to her –

WOMAN
– I’m trying to be as accomodating –

MAN
– But at the end –

WOMAN
– I hope it doesn’t end –

MAN
– I hope she’ll realize –

WOMAN
– When he understands –

MAN
– No matter how dense I may be –

WOMAN
– How fucking uptight I get –

MAN/WOMAN
– I love her/him.

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CARD DRAWN:

THIS IS THE TAROT CHALLENGE, a 78-day writing challenge where everyday I pick out a random card from my tarot deck and write something about, against, inspired by, based on the card by the day’s end. The works can range from poetry to fiction to drama. When the card is from the major arcana, the title of the work should be the card name. When the card is from the minor arcana, the title can be different but the card drawn should be revealed at the end.

(I really didn’t want to draw the lovers card so early on, but hey, fate intervenes)