MORE one-page excerpts from Harder, Faster, Wetter

The deadline of my draft is on Wednesday. Okay, one last preview of my six sex plays before I finally pass this! 😀

Assholes and Whores

CHRIS Our mom came to visit. She was giddy. It was her first time in the city in almost a decade. Jay and I were supposed to fetch her at Cubao but Jay cancelled, claiming a headache. My wife and I left to pick up mom. When we returned, the door was double-bolted from the inside. We knocked and knocked, shouting and pounding but nothing. Troubled, I banged my body again and again against the door until it gave. And the sight we saw? Blood. Slashed wrists in his bed. No note, nothing. I thought it was over until I saw an empty bottle of sleeping pills beside him. Jesus, the guy was such a failure he had to make sure to kill himself using two means.

MARTHA Oh god.

CHRIS You know the image that stayed with me? It wasn’t even of the body of my beloved little brother as he was carted off by the police. It wasn’t the picture of my wife vomiting at the toilet. It wasn’t the face of my broken-hearted mother as she held back all her tears as she answered the questions of the cops. It was your face. Your fucking face. That exact moment, memories of your face stretched to a laugh flooded to me. The face you make every time you entered our apartment, every time you darted off to his room. That face you make when you tell him you love him, when you pretend to love him. Your sly whore face.

Seven Deadly Women

CELESTE (bouncing in with an expensive looking dress) Mother Prudence, how are you, happy birthday, I missed you so much, how was your trip, was it good, my, you look stunning today.

PRUDENCE Mico, is my room ready?

MICO Up the –

CELESTE Yes, Mother Prudence, I used our best sheets, our hypo-allergenic pillows and even the most fragrant air-fresheners.

PRUDENCE Huh. So you don’t use your best sheets for my son’s bed.

MICO Mom, that’s not what she –

PRUDENCE Is my grand-daughter here?

CELESTE Yes, Ella is in her room studying, she’s been going on and on about how she misses her favorite grandmother.

PRUDENCE Has she eaten?


MICO Actually, mom, Ella has been having some problems.

PRUDENCE I suppose someone’s not cooking enough for her.

MICO She doesn’t –

CELESTE Of course not, Mother Prudence, I cook and I cook and I slave for her but she still refuses to see me as her mother.

PRUDENCE I want to see her.

CELESTE Ella, grandma’s here! Mother Prudence, how was your trip?

MICO Honey, mom just wants to rest after her flight.

CELESTE Nonsense. I want to hear all the details, don’t leave anything out, we’re all just so fascinated with your life.

PRUDENCE Honey, give it up. I wrote the book on sucking-up.


RICK What’s your real name?

JOE That’s additional charge.

RICK That’s not fair.

JOE Joe.

RICK Bullshit.

JOE (takes out an ID) Stick this up your ass. I thought about changing my name before. Thing is, I do like my name. Joe. Short, simple. And it’s foreign! But when I’m fucking an American, I become Julio or Makoy or Pepe. So I’m exotic. Bullshit.

RICK (drinks) You don’t look like a ‘Joe’.

JOE One of my colleagues, he stays outside tea houses for those who think they’re British just because they drink tea. He’s name’s ‘MARK. It’s spelled ‘M-H-A-H-R-H-K-H.’

RICK Mhahrhkh.

JOE Only the H’s are capital.


MYK (gets out a pack of cigarettes) Watch and learn. (lights and puffs a cigarette) Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious (exhales the smoke)

RUSS (lights and puffs a cigarette) Floccinaucinihilipilification (exhales the smoke)

ROJ (lights and puffs a cigarette) Hippopotomonstrosesqui- The smoke comes out. He puffs again. Pneumonoultramicroscopicsi- The smoke comes out.

THIRD Fail! Damn, long word. (lights and puffs a cigarette) Coincidental. (exhales the smoke)

KEN (lights and puffs a cigarette) Boobies, boobies, boobies, boobies, boobies, boobies- (exhales the smoke)

The Heart of the Matter

CHRIS What is the truth of your wife leaving you?

REVAN Nothing. Nothing. I dug down deep and felt nothing. From the first time I saw her at our wedding, escorted down the aisle by two nuns, I felt nothing. It was nothing like how the books tell the story of love at first sight, nothing like the sermons the priest preached that day of eternal, undying love. From our first kiss, our first night together, nothing. I sleep with her, lying beside her and what came out of me? Nothing. Days after, I see her smiling at another guy and, still, nothing. The day she left, I sat down and I thought I’d cry as I expected any man in my position would. But what came out of my eyes? Nothing.

Bed of Roses

DANIEL What if I kiss you right here? (kisses her between her breasts)

PHOEBE Yes, yes.

DANIEL Right here? (kisses lower to her bellybutton)

PHOEOBE Yes, lower.

DANIEL You want here? (kisses at the crotch)


DANIEL What now?

PHOEOBE Stop, stop.


PHOEOBE You’ve been with Ray…You’re gay!

DANIEL I’m not gay.

PHOEOBE He fucked you in the ass. At least if you were on top, but the idea of another guy fucking you –

DANIEL What of it? (beat) You’re not objecting that I’ve been with your friend. You don’t like the idea that I’ve slept with a guy. (kisses her neck) It doesn’t matter. I’m straight. (kisses lower) It was all for fun with Ray. I was blindfolded. I was gagged. I was handcuffed. I couldn’t see, couldn’t move. In my mind, it was a girl worshipping me. (fingers her) I was passive, but, Phoebe, yes, because I wanted nothing from him, it wasn’t equal. With you it’s equal. You want something from me. (his head lowers to her crotch) And I want something from you.



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