Puttin’ on the Ritz

Going out has become a chore these days. Sure, it never really was easy before, but the way the Society flows now, we are receiving invites everyday, each reason more specific than the last. Yesterday, it was a charity for depressed pandas. Tonight, it’s a function for bicurious giraffes.

The worst part about it is always getting ready. The Society requires only the most excellent appearance. Hemlines have been streamlined, hair styles have to be approved by the Department of Hair (DoH). We get home, exhausted from a long day of hitting the phones, wanting, just wanting one night were we could throw off our uniforms, order take-out from the Antartic cuisine, and watch Real Shows, but no. Society Functions are mandatory — miss one, and expect a massive fine.

So we shed off our clothes, take a blazingly hot shower, and take out our standard black dresses. Not much of a difference between us, I had a V-neckline, she had a tube. We were allowed two pieces of jewelry that had certain size restrictions. I went with a necklace my mom gave me back in the day, and a nice comb in the hair, while she wore her wedding ring and a jeweled watch.

Sitting on opposite ends of the vanity, we tie our hair in the regulation hairstyle. It wasn’t that difficult, at least for me. My hair was long enough to bun up at the top. She had a bigger problem, her short hair was always tough to arrange in that style. It took her a few seconds longer than I. While waiting for her, I check out my reflection in the mirror to see if there were any whale stuck in my teeth.

When she’s done, we go to the most difficult part of the preparation — putting on our faces. We peel off the top two faces from the box that we share, and flatten it out on the table. Rolling up the edges, we lift it gently and apply it on our head. The big space below my hair was always a problem, I had to make sure that my forehead fitted right exactly. I wouldn’t want my face to fall off at the function. She had problems fitting the fact over hear ears — it was always one centimeter too much, or one centimeter lacking. This time, it went good. We patted our lips down, made sure the chin covered the bottom part of our heads. Afterwards, we pull the nose out to its standard length, and, we’re done.

Perfect make-up. Perfect hair. Even a trademarked perfect smile. At the opposite end, she was trying to flatten out a crease by her cheeks. I stand up to help her, but she flattened it out on her own.

“Shall we?” she said in her perfectly crafted smile.


This is the 100 Songs Project, a 100-day writing challenge based on AFI’s 100 Years…100 Songs. Every day, I write a short poem, prose piece, or play based on, reacting to, rejecting, accepting, or doing something related to one of the songs in the top 100 list.

Please consider liking Deelaytful on Facebook. We’re doing a promotion in preparation for the 200th post in a couple of weeks. If we get 500 likes before the 200th post, I will be uploading a video of myself singing a medley of Disney Princesses songs on YouTube.