Springtime for Hitler


Gary — An American foreign exchange student in Germany

Karl — His German roommate

Setting: Gary and Karl’s dorm room. A quarter past nineteen one hundreen hours. Or, as the Germans call it, pot time.

KARL: No, no, Großer, Bruno is Austrian, not German.

GARY: But, like, dude, he’s like German, I sees some shit he has on the telly. Def’ntely German. <hic> And me mate saw him once trying to hit on this German-ish-ly-ic looking dude.

KARL: Nicht, mein freund. He is a character portrayed by Sacha Bonham Carter.

GARY: Real, fake, German, Australian, is it all different? <hic> I saw that film with Julie Roberts, the one with the hills and the fake nun who starts a choir. Some sort of flower shit that me chick cried about. A tulip.

KARL: Eidelweiss?

GARY: God bless you too. <hic> So about this Hitler dude.

KARL: Mein fuhrer?

GARY: Yeah, yours if fewer, I gots more here if you want. (tosses him more hash)

KARL: You haven’t answered my question, Großer. If you could go back through time and kill the baby Hitler, would you?

GARY: God’s sake, mate, if I was to go back in time, I’m not going to Nazi Germany.

KARL: It’s not Nazi Germany, it’s before Nazi Germany. The Second Reich.

GARY: I’ll pass. I’d rather do the Fourth Rice. <hic> If only for contemporary reasons. Now I gots more important questions that your kiling Baby Hitler in the manger. If you could bone Hitler, would you?

KARL: Christ’s sake, Großer, I’m not gay.

GARY: I’d bone Hitler.

KARL: You gay?

GARY: Nah. I don’t think so. You know my favorite German-ish philantrophist? Emmanuelle Kant. She was awesome in Entourage, plus, how many tinklers could you say I love Kant and get away with it.

KARL: You can’t love Kant.

GARY: I can fuck Kant, I can eat Kant, I can do whatever I want with Kant. I will sing and dance with Kant tonight! I Kant touch this! (stands around, jumping and dancing, and falls down)

KARL: (laughing loudly) Dumme Amerikaner.

GARY: Douche, come on help me up.

KARL: Sorry, couldn’t help it. Scahdenfreudde.

GARY: God bless you too.

KARL: So how do you find Goethe?

GARY: Nah, I don’t think you’re too fat yet.


This is the 100 Songs Project, a 100-day writing challenge based on AFI’s 100 Years…100 Songs. Every day, I write a short poem, prose piece, or play based on, reacting to, rejecting, accepting, or doing something related to one of the songs in the top 100 list.

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