Some Enchanted Evening
Setting: The men’s washroom at a decent three-star hotel. The washroom itself is clean, spacious, and classy, but — and this is a must — one of the mirrors has to be cracked. LEE is staring at the mirror, pretending to fix his hair, though it’s already meticulously gelled up. He drums his finger on the sink.
One of the cubicles opens and ANDREW comes out, zipping his fly. He heads to the sink to wash his hands. Both men are wearing a buttoned down shirt and slacks.
LEE (glances furtively at ANDREW through the mirror): Great…party, right?
ANDREW (busy fixing his collar): Alright, I s’pose.
LEE (looking through ANDREW’s cheek): I think…you dropped this. (takes a white handkerchief from his pocket)
ANDREW (quickly looking and turning away): My hanky’s right here.
LEE: Oh. Must be…some random slob’s then. (throws the hanky away)
ANDREW: You didn’t see me drop that, did you?
LEE: I did…well, at least I thought I did, so many people here tonight.
ANDREW: Uh-huh. (grabs a paper towel and dries his hands off) I know a conversation starter when I see one.
LEE: You caught me, I…just wanted to say hi.
ANDREW (walking closer to LEE): Hi. (walks away)
LEE: Fine, okay that was just cheasy and cheap
ANDREW: At least we agree on something. (by the door) Going back?
LEE: I’m gonna wallow here a while.
ANDREW (opening the door and peering out): Everything seems wild. Jeremy’s cutting his cake.
LEE: How’d you know him, by the way?
ANDREW: Here. There. Bedroom.
LEE: Oh. (gets it) Oh! Well, that’s…I used to work with his brother.
ANDREW (uninterested): That’s nice.
LEE: I’m Lee, by the way.
ANDREW (not listening): That’s nice.
LEE: My name?
ANDREW: Oh, Andrew.
LEE: No, my name’s Lee.
ANDREW (closing the door): Andrew.
LEE: Yes, you’ve mentioned.
ANDREW (going back to the sink): Then why’d you keep asking?
LEE: Some enchanted evening. Why haven’t you gone back to the party?
ANDREW: Meh. You know Lloyd? He’s all over the place, I just saw him running around trying to kiss Jeremy’s brother.
LEE (excited): Oh, this…I got to see. (moves toward the door then stops) Everyone seems to be fueled this evening.
ANDREW: You don’t say. (takes a pack of mints from his pocket and eats one) Want one?
LEE: Oh, no, I’m good.
ANDREW (throws the pack at him): Take one. You’ll need it.
LEE: No really I’m good.
ANDREW: I only make-out with people whose breaths are minty-fresh.
LEE: Oh. (gets it) Oh! I…well, this is…unexpected.
ANDREW: Cool it, or I’ll change my mind.
LEE: Well, I guess I could…(pops a mint) Whew!
ANDREW: So come over here.
LEE: Right, sure. (doesn’t move)
ANDREW: We have a party to get back to, you know.
LEE: Right, sure. (doesn’t move)
ANDREW: Hey, listen, if you’re not into this, I don’t want to waste any time. (moves to the door)
LEE: Right, sure. (gets it) No, wait, sorry, no. I don’t want to make out with you…no, I mean I do, but not…here.
ANDREW: You want to trade spit in a garden with fucking chrysanthemum?
LEE: I guess…well, I just really wanted to ask you out.
ANDREW: Out? Like out on a date?
LEE: I s’pose.
ANDREW: Listen, if I go out with you, we’ll have to set it on a day we’re both free — I’m booked solid next week. Then we got to go through a first date, struggle through the awkwardness, listen through boring stories of your life. We wouldn’t have sex because you’d think I’m a slut. We’ll promise to see each other again, you’ll wait desperately by your phone for my call, I’d wait ’til the last minute to call you so I wouldn’t seem pathetic. We’d go out for a couple more dates, introduce each other to friends we’ll never really get to know, and we’ll just end up in the sack in a month. Let’s just do it and get it over with.
LEE: I didn’t know you had it so planned.
ANDREW: Did it go differently in your head?
LEE: I s’pose. I s’pose not. You take the romance out of everything.
ANDREW: Hey, listen, buddy. You wanted romance, shouldn’t have asked me out in a washroom.
LEE: I s’pose that’s my fault. I guess…nah, it’s stupid. But, I s’pose, I guess, when the waiter handed you your champagne, I thought I saw you toast at me. Nah, I was probably just imagining.
ANDREW: Yeah. I was toasting the guy behind you. (beat) I’m kidding.
LEE: Stupid, of course to think. I thought you were trying to signal something. I dunno. Like interest or life or something, and I guess, I dunno, fortune favors the bold, I kicked my shoes and sucked it all in and thought of a lame way to ask you out or something.I really like your eyes, you see. I…I guess they say so much. I guess I was wrong. (jumps off the counter) So, we gonna do this?
ANDREW: Way to kill the buzz man.
LEE: Yeah, I do that, I screw up.
ANDREW: I got to get back to the party now.
LEE: I s’pose.
ANDREW (takes out his wallet and removes a slip of paper): I was going to put this in your pocket as we were making out, but, hey (gives the slip of paper to LEE) call me.
ANDREW exits. LEE looks back at the mirror, continues fixing his already gelled-up hair.
This is the 100 Songs Project, a 100-day writing challenge based on AFI’s 100 Years…100 Songs. Every day, I write a short poem, prose piece, or play based on, reacting to, rejecting, accepting, or doing something related to one of the songs in the top 100 list.
- Born to be Wild (deelaytful.com)
- Stormy Weather (deelaytful.com)
- Theme from New York, New York (deelaytful.com)